8 Tips to Help Someone Being Abused, Inspired by Oscars Performance

Lady Gaga’s “How would you know” performance at the Oscars hits HOME.


From my post last week on my story of physical/mental abuse and sexual assault, I feel the Oscar performance from Lady Gaga on “How Would You Know” was God’s way of telling me what to write about next for my 3 part series of my story.

It’s painfully disturbing on how often I run across someone who has been physically/mentally/emotionally abused or sexually assaulted. Or hell, all of the above, like myself.

As mentioned in my story, I feel it was in my destiny to endure these tough occurrences in order to understand and relate to those who are silent and lack the voice to stand up and speak out. To me, if someone were to try to “talk” or “help” me deal with the psyche and emotional stamps these occurrences put on my life, without having gone through it themselves, I would get offended and completely shut down.  I mean really, how the HELL would YOU know if you never endured it?

How would YOU know how hard it is to leave someone you love  after they cuss at you for taking the “wrong route” to a meeting place and tell you you’re an idiot?

How would YOU know how it is when an argument escalates when you order the wrong meal or didn’t do the dishes “correctly” into choking you against the back door so you would not be able to leave?

How would YOU know how it feels to wake up to your friend on top of you after you pass out and you can’t even move or speak. Only to feel like it was you who brought it upon yourself and kept the relationship going thereafter.

How would YOU know how it feels to have to introduce your significant other to the guy who said hello to you at a bar in attempt to diffuse his growing rage? Or how about when, after trying everything, it still leads him to throwing you to the driveway and with an “open hand” hitting you repeatedly while screaming, “YOU made me do this”? Or how about when these “open fist” hits are so forceful it leaves bruises and knocks your contacts from your eyes and all you can feel is the warmth of your tears down your face and of your blood spewing from your nose onto the hard concrete?  Then, how would YOU know how it feels when after the fact, he is so emotionally distraught and remorseful it lures you in again by plucking away at your frayed heartstrings.

How would YOU know how hard it is to see a person in such a vulnerable state that you set yourself aside in order to try to save the human you see inside?

How would YOU know how hard it is to face your own demons and question yourself on what you did wrong in the whole manner of any negative situation in order to deserve this? Or how it was to go outside of your own character in retaliation and do things you knew were not in the best judgment?

How would YOU know how it feels when you doubt yourself and have to forgive yourself for reacting how you did by hitting back or breaking  a mirror with your fist, or for fighting back in a way where it only made situations worse.

I mean, how WOULD you know?

Check out Lady Gaga’s performance at The Oscars 2016 to get a full feel of the emotion this statement.

It’s hard to relate or help when you haven’t been put in the situation and I learned this the hard way, we all did. I was not a perfect person in any relationship, but who is? Mistakes can be made from every party involved and people can grow and learn. I really believe that. However, the sad fact is, a lot of people have experienced abuse and do not 100% know it or talk about it. Some think it’s a specific genre of people, but women (and even men) from all statuses have experienced abuse. Those you think couldn’t possibly have even come close to being a victim, like many of my family and friends thought about me, probably have.

Powerful, confident, intelligent & successful people have been faced with these evils, including Lady Gaga. So the first step is for those people to know:

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Your “person”, your status, your mentality, your weaknesses, your strengths are not the reasons you were assaulted. It was nothing you did or could have done to bring this on yourself. There is no excuse for this violence. 

You are PERFECT.

You are STRONG.

You are WORTHY of healthy love.

Lady Gaga’s powerful performance, which brought thousands of people to their feet and tears to their eyes, lit an even bigger flame in me. Our goal should be to raise as much awareness about abuse and sexual assault as possible in our lifetime. We need to encourage survivors to open up about their experience to those closest to them. We need to educate mothers and fathers on the signs of abuse in order to help them instruct their children on what abuse looks/feels like before it happens, or even how to handle the situation once it occurs. We need to work with those who have been the abuser. We are human and make mistakes. There are people who have abused others who are truly remorseful and are looking for help or answers. But, what does that look like and how can they be helped?

These conversations can be incredibly difficult for all parties, and many people don’t know how to react to such disclosure. So, I have put together a list of 10 tips on how to handle a situation when someone close to you reveals they have experienced physical/mental violence or sexual assault. –

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Please, keep your eyes and heart open for those who have fell as victims of abuse. Without someone to lean on or talk to, they remain silent. Please research and keep The National Domestic Violence hotline  in the forefront of your mind in order to help those without a voice stand and speak.

Find out more about Gaga’s performance and best dressed celebrities at the Oscars Here with Vanity Fair Magazine.

Stay Tuned for the conclusion of my 3 part series of self-acceptance and how I’ve found happiness. 




2 thoughts on “8 Tips to Help Someone Being Abused, Inspired by Oscars Performance

  1. Aimee Crowley says:

    I highly respect and love you for what you are doing for others. You have always been there for anyone who ever needed you, and in time, came to be your falling. However, you held yourself together with grace and brought yourself back up when it would have been easier to stay down. I love you for who you are, and for who you have helped me (and others) become. I only wish I could have been there WHEN you needed me instead of after the fact. I didn’t know the signs, and it was you that helped me see them. It was you that helped me be strong and learn that I was in a situation that I should not have been myself. It was you that helped me grow in my current relationship and open my eyes to what is, and isn’t, right. I love you, Sister.


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